Unattached

You say you can’t

Handle this

Can’t handle me

Because one day

You’ll have to leave

You can’t get attached

For fear of getting stuck

You’re so glad 

We’ve never fucked

You won’t hold my hand

But you’ll kiss me in the dark

Cuddle up until

You’ve got a grip on my heart

I know you say 

You’ll have to leave one day

But what about me

I know you can’t

Get attached

Because of feelings

You might have

Should I sit here

While you make up you mind

Deciding if being with me

Would be fine

Let you waste 

All of my time

I guess that’s fine

You say you want this 

But you don’t know

So maybe it should be me

Who decides if you go

I play at the face

 Like I love every day

You’ll never know

They’ll never see

How much I do hate

How I hate being me

The words that I say

And every last damn day

I hope it’s the last

The future is the past

It’ll never change 

This life is always the same

As hard as I push

I’ll push them away

Like claws on my chest

Hands at my neck

I need them to stay 

But still I push them away

Like a suffocating hand

Taking my last breath

I’ll live this day

But I’ll wish it’s my last

Never Know

I know who you are

I know what that means

I know you don’t know

A single thing

It breaks my heart

Makes me Bleed

A lie kept for

The ‘good’ of things

I found you there

In plain sight

But you don’t know

Can’t ruin your life

It feels like I’m losing

This god damn fight

But I can’t say

Can’t reach out

Keep it all pent up

Inside myself

I know who you are

I know what that mean

I know I’ll never know you

You’ll never know me

Invisible Noose

Anxiety is killing me

Makes it so I can’t breathe

An invisible noose

Pulled so tight

There’s no use

To try and fight

It grips my heart

An invisible hand

Makes it feel like

My head’s full of sand

It makes no sense

Two plus two’s

A million and nine

Making me loose

All track of time

Fluttering thoughts

Fill my mind

What if

How come

and Why

why

why

Harder

It’s getting hard to breath, hard to see

Hard to know what I need

Suffocating, Drowning deep

Falling farther into the sea

Monsters grabbing, pulling- Reach

It’s your hand I see

But the water overtakes me

And now these things they break me

Your words they could not shake me

Because you did forsake me

As the scene fades

Just another day

Just another girl

Who’s lost her way

Lost in the crowd

Getting harder to tell

Who is this me

She’s not who

I thought I’d be

But someone else

So plain to see

I am so lost to me

The Tyrant Inside

How wrong it is

How wrong it should be

That I have this insistent need

To change all that comes

So very naturally to me

It scares me more than anything

That’s not who I want to be

Anything that’s like you

Every sign, every need

Every look in the mirror

It’s not me that I see

It’s you

Trapped inside

Trying to get out

I push you down

For no one to find

But I know it’s there

I feel it all the time

Like a vicious tyrant

It controls everything

It takes control of me

February Fourteenth

I see things where

They shouldn’t be

My mind twists

A broken reality

You say one thing

But I hear three

Because I know

Nothing is as it seems

I’m broken, bent

Far out of shape

I don’t trust

It’s not my way

I get by

Day by day

Ignore the future

It never stays

The same from one

Moment to the next

The Future might as well

Be the past

Just another thing

It will never last

The Other Side of Things

What if you fall out of love

Or decide it wasn’t enough

That could be the end of me

The end of everything

I’m okay alone

I finally see

Now you’re changing everything

I don’t want to try

But I will for you

I’d do anything you asked me to

So maybe I will

Because I’m falling

Farther down

I’m farther now

Than I ever wanted to be

Farther down

Losing ground

But I’ll be fine

As long as at the bottom

It’s your arms I find

Glued to the Ground

How many nights did I cry

How many times I wished

Just one of us would die

Never told to go to my room

I was already there

Hiding at the top

Of those old creaking stairs

Insufferable you were

But so was I

Sitting in that room

Losing my fucking mind

Hours without end

Seeing reality bend

No way out

There never was

Even if I left

My mind was stuck

Glued to the ground

Those memories haunt me now

Like a scene I can’t forget

How they make me sick

Can’t forget, can’t move on

But you can’t hurt me

Now I’m gone

A cruel world

And bitter cold house

I forget my childhood

I pushed it all out

Out of my mind

I lost all of that time

But don’t you forget

That’s all on you

I guess in the end

We all lose

Fading

I try not to write and seem so sad

Always focused on the bad

I guess that’s all I’ve ever had

All the good I can’t see

What the hell is wrong with me

Losing focus; lose my mind

Happiness I cannot find

The good it fades far too fast

It’s the negative that seems to last