You didn’t care
You were never there
You’d watch me walk away
And then you’d say: ‘good day’
Like I was just a given
As if I couldn’t go
You think I have to stay here?
Well know I’ll let you know:
I am not your burden
I am not your anything
You are not good to me
I will be no ones play thing
So take your stupid words
You should know they mean nothing
And tomorrow I’ll take my stuff
Then you’ll see me take my leave
With your effort I could have tried
But you just set me aside
One more added burden
One more attention seeking thing
One more pointless distraction
As if that’s what I mean
To you I know I do
Is it said to say that’s true?
But this is my last bye
This is the last fucking time
I have tried and I’ve tried
But still I’m slipping on by
What is the date,
What is the time?
Do you think I’ve lost my mind?
I’m waiting here
For no one to come
What if they show? I’m sure only your god would know.
What is the date,
What is the time?
I lose track of things from my mind
What is this place,
What is this kind?
This is me, as I ‘m losing my mind.
My nails they scratch against my chest
Trying to make me take one more breath
My knees are week as I fall
Mind a blank but not at all
Vision blurred, the room it spins
I don’t want to do this again
My breath it comes but far to fast
Just another panic attack
Castle dreams of the sky
Up to the roof I’ll try to fly
At the edge, cant see the ground
If I jump will I be found?
Closer now then I’ll ever get
Heaven’s there, past my finger tips
Not going up, my path is down
Maybe I’ll polish the devils crown
Castle dreams, I’m falling now
Off the top, but I can’t fly
Mind made up to late, don’t want to die
One last wish I make with a cry
Then I fall out of the sky.
Watch as things change before my eyes
See how you covered all your lies
Twisting thoughts with memories
Make me forget now
Make me forget please?
Actions covered with slick words
The only problem, your voice isn’t heard
Forgetting now won’t change a thing
There’s nothing left for you and me
Uneven ground, I try not to frown
Don’t you see how you can make me happy?
Uneven grownd, I’ll stumble around
Lost with no direction
Pointless even to myself
I’ll let you use me, though you’re bad for my health
My mind a twisted place, like an out of control mental case
Uneven ground, I’m lost not found
Don’t you see how you make me unhappy?
I smile anyway, like you didn’t just rune my day
Tomorrow? I bet I’ll do the same
It’s just like any other day
I’ll smile, and never once complain
No I won’t speak of the pain
This uneven ground maybe I don’t want to be found
Lost I can fake it, hide all the hurt
Lost I can act like I don’t deserve better than dirt
Nothing and no one, I go home alone
Sadness, beside my self
when did life get so overblown
There is no worse life then being all alone
So tell me if this house will ever be a home
Nothing and no one, I go to sleep again
There is no warmth beside me in my too big bed
Watch me as makeup melts all down my face
These things I wont say, Wont be a charity case
Nothing and no one shares my meal at night
Nothing and no one turns out the light
Nothing and no one shares this too big bed
And nothing and no one would care if I were dead.
Twisting words all the time
Try and decipher
How I wish you can
But I’ll watch you get lost
In this word waste land
I can’t say, can’t explain
What it is I need to say
I’ll write it down
You’ll look and frown
It’s plain and simple
Can’t you see?
It’s spelled out there
In pen and ink.
Some times it feels as if my mind is broken. I can tell you this much: it does not seem to work like anyone else I have encountered. If you ask me to express myself, or explain how I’m feeling at a certain time or about something you probably wouldn’t hear me ramble on about how I feel. You would likely get me scrambling for a piece of paper and a pen. Often times I find myself at a lack of words to say; but even when that happens there will be some form of a poem running through my mind. It’s never that I have nothing to say, it’s that if I started say exactly what came to mind I would sound mad. Because it makes sense to me, but to anyone else… It would seem crazy to just start rambling off these words.
Counting the days until I die
I’m not one for suicide
I’ll live every hellish day
And hate it all anyway
As this pain squeezes my heart
This is no life, where was my start?